


Wayfare

by Bird_Of_Scarlet



Series: Homebound [1]
Category: Escape the Night (Web Series)
Genre: And I should probably apologise to her for that, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, I'm projecting onto Teala, Nikita cares, Nikita will kick your ass if you mess with her friends, Rescue, Self-Esteem Issues, Teala is not okay, Teala may be on the edge of her circle but she's still in the circle GODDAMNIT, Themes of suicide, This whole thing literally came from me feeling crappy again, but still there, minor themes, or at least not doing too good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-08 13:16:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18624019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bird_Of_Scarlet/pseuds/Bird_Of_Scarlet
Summary: I love you guys.Thank you.I'm sorry.Teala Dunn is Offline





	Wayfare

**Author's Note:**

> Listen idk why this happened but it did
> 
> Actually, I know full well why this happened I was feeling bad and then I was writing. 
> 
> oops.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **t/w. Heavy themes of suicide along with self depreciation, self esteem issues and questioning of self worth. If these are sensitive topics for you, ease be careful! I love you guys <3**

Teala doesn't know why she sent that.

She also doesn't know why- or how- this started, but it's back.

Maybe it was the searching from friend to friend for most her life, trying to find something, anything that would click. Being pushed to the edges of friendship circles and going unnoticed the rest of the time- or getting weird looks from her friends when they did notice her. She didn't know which she hated more.

Drift.

That's all she can do.

Dragging herself along like a little, red, air-filled balloon on a string, bumping less than a foot off the ground while everyone else around her glides across the floor on golden helium, lifted from their worries on silver ribbons.

It could be worse though, right? She's fine. Air isn't lead. She isn't lead. She can't be lead.

She's not sad. Or weighed down.

She'll admit she's guilty. She must've done something wrong.

But she's not sad. Just a little bit flat, a little bit dull, and a little bit empty.

It's nothing.

 _Honestly_.

Nothing.

Maybe that's why she's heading here. This holds happy memories, right? Memories of days out, of laughter, fun and liveliness. Then again, that was with them.

Now it's just her.

It's been an hour, on the train at least. She curls her knees into her chest as her hair clings to her face and her coat grips at her shoulders, already drenched through from the trip over, the rain still drumming against the large window beside her. She'd caught the last ride out, the once familiar trip echoing uncertainty around the carriage.

It's strange how circumstance can make such a difference.

Passing a small cottage dotted in the middle of nowhere seems to give her phone a signal, even if just for a few seconds, the device aggressively buzzing beside her as the screen glares at her to pick it up.

She turns the brightness down before scanning the notifications as they grind to a halt the second she loses signal.

A few long texts from Ro, short questions from Jc. Lots of capital letters from Manny. Matt and Safiya seem to have been spamming the group chat, attempting to decode her message from earlier.

Seven missed calls from Roi- an eighth right before she lost connection. She couldn't have faced picking up anyway.

Twenty-nine texts and five missed calls from Colleen.

She knows the woman works fast but good god.

Without thinking twice, she buries the phone back into the pocket of her coat. She doesn't even know why she brought it with her, she isn't planning on using it any time soon.

Maybe she can sleep? The train ride never felt this long in the summer. Then again she was chatting with the others as the sun shone down through the windows. If she closes her eyes she can hear them around her, a familiar scent flowing past her nose.

Rosanna close at her side, gushing over the large picnic hampers and drinks coolers at their feet, filled to the brim with snacks and treats for the day.

Rosanna was the start of everything. Specifically, when Ro found the poor girl crying over a batch of burnt cupcakes during a baking course that was some kind of attempt to give herself a hobby, rather than doing nothing all day, even when she had work to do. Some assistance and talking later, and Teala had found herself caught up in the woman's bubbly charm, dragging her on morning jogs, followed by afternoons out, until the first game night invitation came. She wasn't sure why she'd accepted, though she is genuinely glad she did.

Across from her, she can hear Jc reading out the crossword clues, after having solved all of the sodokus on his own, legs crossed, scrawling on the paper with a black biro, in the window seat. Jc was calm and collected, and unsurprisingly good at advice. Even on the first night they'd met, he looked her dead in the eyes, and told her to breathe. It took her a moment to realise she'd been keeping it in for the past ten seconds, taking a deep breath as he gave her a firm thumbs up.

Whatever it was, he always seemed to know. He read emotions like the instructions on microwave popcorn or a pot noodle, knowing what to say and when. Teala assumes she'll never know how he does it. No one really knows.

Manny's beside him. Earphones in and silently head-bopping away to whatever song's going from his playlist. She was surprised she clicked with the man as quickly as she did. For someone who looked like they would either be a) a snarky bitch or b) a stuck up asshole, he was just as soft as one of his high-end, designer sweatshirts. He's almost as talkative as she is- when she's feeling up to it- and he almost seems to know more about her own makeup and style than she does, always having tips and tricks to hand. She's not sure how the affectionate pet names of "honey" and "doll" warmed their way into her heart, but they did, and she's willing to admit her spirit always lifts when he almost squeezes the living daylights out of her in a single embrace for an achievement she never really considers that great anyway...

She finds herself losing focus when the train comes to her stop before she picks up her things and hops off. The wind and rain hammering against her side, slicking one half of her coat to her leg while whipping it away from the other.

A bit of walking, that's all. Walking is all she needs to do. Walk past the chalets, the unoccupied beach residences, past everything and towards the cliffs.

The cliffs.

She can see where the edge falls away and the rest of the world begins as she comes to one of the few picnic tables lining the view, slumping down against the damp wood, her hood fluttering down from her head for the hundredth time.

If she closes her eye she can hear Matt, the creak of the timber as he leans forward, pointing up at the puffy shapes in the clouds, running through the logic behind how they were formed rather the fact that that one, in particular, totally looked like some kind of mythical creature. Even the cliffs themselves, their history and makeup, Matt knew it all, listing it off like lyrics to some kind of scientific song.

Safiya was usually perched on the table behind them, easily folding spare napkins into neatly crafted, albeit fairly flimsy, origami figures. When they'd finally gotten decent paper she'd shown Teala how to make her own, softly going over each step, one by one, while the younger girl followed along. Even after hours of practice, the only one she could get perfect was a butterfly that fit in the centre of her palm. As a thank you, once she made her a mobile of different coloured butterflies. She never really understood why Safiya seemed to like it so much, to her, a dozen butterflies weren't much in comparison to a bird that could peck when you tugged its tail.

She'd watch the others looking out over the ocean as it rolled away in the distance, curling around itself as it went.

The beach house was Colleen's. That there were always a couple of weeks free in the summer months that they spent up here together. Safiya said they did this every year.

Every year.

Slipping into comfort, she almost forgets.

This existed before her.

They existed- thrived before her.

She's sure they could flourish without her too.

Maybe she could stay right where she is, stay where the waves lap at her toes, crashing against her and the rocks before lulling out again when the weather calms. Down below the rock's edge, looking up at the chalk-white towers where everyone else is.

Maybe she could stay down there for a while.

She stumbles as she leaves the seat, grabbing at the air in an attempt to find something to steady herself.

How long has she been awake?

What time is it?

Her phone's in her pocket but with the rain and seafoam that could damage it, she feels that taking it out right now would be a bad idea.

The cliff couldn't be that steep, that wouldn't be safe at all.

So it must just be right below the edge.

She could take her boots off and dip her toes in, or dig her hand into the dirt while she reaches down towards it, waves licking and tugging at her fingers, begging her to peck at it like one of Safiya's red ducks, the edges of her coat like the fluttering napkin, catching the wind and bellowing, daring to carry her away into the moonlit breeze.

All she'd need to do is let it.

The heels of her boots dig into the dirt, but if the night swept her away, would it be her fault? Another mistake and regret on a bullet list as long as there are stars dotted across the sky. What would one more let down compared to all the ones that could come? How many mistakes can she make before it becomes inevitable.

Before she might as well.  
   
They'd move on, just like everyone else. As the river rushes past a boulder, it'd hardly notice a pebble along the bank.

Another step.

Steps towards peace- right? A step towards a future where she can't let anyone down anymore, where she doesn't need to worry, where she can exist without needing to hold back every word as if a slip of the tongue could send her over the edge.

Away from them.

A future, though for her, a lack thereof...

Wouldn't that be best for everyone?

All it would take-

" _Get your bitch ass in my fucking car NOW._ "

...

She knows that voice, winding through her ears as her throat clamps down around itself.

"You're not supposed to be here, Nikita."

" _And where am I supposed to be? Your fucking funeral? Get the hell in my car._ "

Despite the soggy ground, she could still feel the impact of the blonde's boots against the dirt as she made a beeline for her, an electric buzz running through her spine when a soft hand wraps around her wrist.

" _Come on, we're going home._ "

Her frame doesn't budge until the other hands gently falls on her shoulder, tilting her away from the moon and towards the two lights beaming ahead of her, guiding her shivering steps over towards it.

The door closes with a thunk as Nikita gets in the driver seat beside her, sinking into the leather as her nails dig into the wheel. She turns on the ignition and amps up the heating the second after, warm jets of air blasting out at Teala's hands and cheeks.

She retrieves her phone from her pocket and clicks it on, the time blinking up at her.

_01:42_

_Jesus_.

Her eyes flick downwards in an attempt to distract herself from how pissed Nikita would be with her at this hour in the morning and ended up focusing on the icon of Jc throwing up a peace sign with her usual complete-lack-of-emotion expression behind it, a shot that always made her smile a little on the inside.

What would he think of her now? Causing a nightmare for anyone she cares for? What would he say?

She thinks.

Then she remembers to stop holding her breath.

...

And she's back

"I'm getting your seats wet, sorry."

"I'd rather have wet seats then dead silence, belt up bitch."

* * *

 

The car ride is silent, mostly. Teala's thoughts fill up her head like scribbles of black all around her, splotching at the corner of her eyes and disappearing whenever she looks at them. Nikita hasn't put the radio on. Would they even get signal? How long have they been driving? How long to go?

The scribbles are scratching at her eyes again, her line of sight frantically flittering about to try and send them away again.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"What's with the eye thing?"

She freezes.

"Sorry."

" _For fuck's_ \- you don't need to apologise. You just look like you're possessed or some shit."

She goes to say _sorry_ again, before swallowing it back down, biting her tongue.

"I'm not going to bite your head off, T."

"... Why?"

"What?"

"Why did you come, you hate me."

Right? Scowls, snarky remarks, general distaste? Nikita had never liked her. Teala didn't necessarily blame her.

The woman let out a sigh, her grip on the wheel loosening and tightening on the wheel.

"One, I don't _hate_ you. Two. Manny's crying. Then again, everyone's crying, and I don't want to put up with that for the rest of my life, so yeah. Plus we go up to that cliffside every summer, and I don't want our last visit to be scattering your ashes or some shit."

_Nikita was also brutally honest._

"How would you scatter my ashes? I'd be in the sea. I'd be gone."

"Tide's out bitch, you'd be as on the rocks as one of Colleen's drinks."

 _And somewhat morbid_.

"Wait, did you just compare my almost corpse to a cocktail?"

_"Bloody Mary"_

_And just... Nikita_.

"... I'm not laughing. I'm not."

"Okay, please laugh. You do this tiny snort thing when you really laugh and it's fucking cute as shit."

 _Apparently she was surprisingly observant too_.

"How the hell do you notice that?"

"Cute as shit but also vaguely annoying, and if you haven't noticed by now, annoying shit sticks with me far longer than cute shit."

Then there she was, letting out the same hick-like snort, before covering her mouth automatically.

"There it is."

The blonde beamed, eyes still fixed on the road, even if they did crinkle at the edges.

"Wait- how did you find me?"

"It was easy enough, I just tried to think where you'd go for comfort. Then I saw Roi on the couch hugging his knees and looking like one of those weebles wobble mother fuckers and I went "okay, comfort without people then". To be honest, I don't blame you."

"Huh?"

"It's stunning... Just not really during a mid-night, almost-storm, bitch. It's is a 2pm sunny day kinda zone."

"I guess so."

"Bitch, you better be coming with us next year." She paused, her volume dropping ever so slightly, "You seemed really happy last time."

"... I was."

* * *

 

The conversation turned to other topics after that, musing about times Teala didn't even realise the other girl had remembered. Her eyes started to lull shut again, only fully reopening to see what was clearly Colleen's front steps ahead of the car lights.

"Nikita, you said you were taking me home."

"And I was the one driving so, for now, home is where you can stop these bitches from crying."

"Wait- they're all here?"

"Yeah, come on."

"I-"

"They're worried, and it'll be warm."

"Nikita."

She snapped. She shouldn't snap. Nikita will snap back, she'll-

"Are you okay?"

"I- I don't know if I can go in, just yet. Sorry. I..."

"It's okay. You wanna sit here for a while? Take a breather?"

"Please."

Nikita nodded, shutting the door back into its place, sitting up.

"Actually, wait here."

Cracking open the door again, she stepped out into the now-drizzle and moved towards the house, slipping through the front door with ease.

Everything's quiet again.

Teala takes the chance to close her eyes.

It's a few minutes later when she hears the car door click as Nikita slumps back into the driver's seat, before something heavy lands across her face. With a jolt, she jumps forward, sending the object into her hands. A royal blue hoodie.

Roi.

She shoots Nikita a quizzical look, only getting a shrug in return.

"He told me to take it, said you must be cold from the all the rain and shit."

He's not wrong. She didn't realise how cold her hands were until they were clinging to this, like holding her palms up against an open fire.

"You can put your coat in the back."

"Won't it get the seats-"

"Once again, I'd rather have wet seats then you with pneumonia."

She lets out a soft chuckle, peeling her coat from her shoulders and as neatly as she can, places on the floor behind her, before slipping the hoodie over her head. A quiet sigh of relief escapes her as the fabric wraps around her frame, holding her almost as closely as he would. She slips her thumbs into the worn-down holes of the sleeves, tugging the extra fabric at the front down over her legs and nuzzling her nose into the collar, taking everything in with one deep breath.

She's never quite been able to pinpoint it. A bit of vanilla, a bucket load of warmth, but always unapologetically _Roi_. A smell of happy memories, curled up and safe beside him, solid and secure and there. It's the kind of warmth you feel in your chest after a hot cup of cocoa in the mid-winter, cosy and comforting. He's always comforting. The first to notice when her smile inevitably falls, and always attempting to bring it back twice as bright. She doesn't know if she'll ever understand why he tries, why he's there for her, why he's willing to hold her and not let go. She's just glad he is.

"Here- it's a sweet gesture but you'll need more than that."

Peering out of her comfy confine, she gladly takes the plush pink blanket and feather white pillow Nikita offers her, tucking the latter between her head and headrest, calmly sinking her head into it as she curls the edge of the former up in her fists, after tucking it around her waist.

Mixing with his hoodie is something floral, while still somehow having a kick to it, hitting at the back of her throat, a feeling she really can't get enough of right now. It's being and vivid and it glows almost as bright as Colleen's laugh chimes. Elegant and refined with a wit that could crack even a face made of stone.

She'll press the soft pad of her finger into Teala's cheek anytime the girl cracks during a serious moment, or after an off-hand comment. Calling her "baby" and reminding her, along with precise and gentle fingers combing through her hair, how wonderful she is. Teala'll press her cheek against the palm of the woman's hand but before she knows it time's ticked on and Colleen's back to her busy life. Sometimes Teala wonders how she finds time for those soft reminders. Most of those times she wonders why.

"Gummy bear?

"Oh- thanks."

She peers over to see Nikita shaking a warm yellow packet out at her, which she reaches into, retrieving a couple colourful sweets from it, tossing them into her mouth.

Her stomach rumbles a little. How long has it been since she's eaten? She didn't feel hungry? Why did this feel... _Okay?_

"Colleen just has these lying around?"

"It's _Colleen_."

"Fair point."

Nikita adjust her own pillow, before reclining her seat back- along with Teala's- and rolling back the skylight cover, the stars twinkling through the glass.

"... Do you want to talk at all?"

She could stay quiet.

The stars are nice to just look at.

She wouldn't want to ruin the conversation, or annoy Nikita, or seem pathetic.

She should just shut up, right?

...

" _I'd like that_."

* * *

 

"Nikita?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we go in now? Please? No offence, but I don't really want to sleep in your car."

"It's fine, Colleen has better heating anyway."

"Nikita?"

"Yeah, T?"

"Thank you."

For a split second, she swears she sees the blonde's eyes soften, before going straight back to their confident shine.

"Don't mention it. Now let's go already."

They carefully roll up the blankets and take a pillow each, exiting the car- which Nikita locks behind her- and make their way through the front door, setting their items and shoes down before moving on. Just into the left is the living room, and a t-shirt clad Roi clearly trying his best to stay awake, coming to his sense at the sound of the door shutting. He rises to his feet the second he sees her, moving forward only to be tugged back to the couch again. She nestles against his side as they land on the seat, revelling in the new-found warmth.

"I told you to stop doing all-nighters, they're bad for your health."

He chuckles, worn out, wrapping an arm around her waist as she tries her best to wipe the tear stains from under his eyes with her sleeve.

" _You're bad for my health."_

When she's done, she lets her head fall against his shoulder, that same comforting scent lulling her slowly asleep again, safe and secure and warm. Home.

As she drifts off, Roi mouths a silent "thank you" to Nikita, tears pricking his eyes again.

"I'll go tell the others she's inside, now get some sleep."

So, she makes her way around the house, granting another night's sleep along with another round of tears to the other six people waiting for some kind of good news.

As she leaves them, she comes back to the living room, the pair now fast asleep on the sofa, and she smiles.

Tomorrow, she'll need to dry her hair out, and her entire outfit as well, and probably her car, but for now, she can sleep.

Right now she needs water, good god.

Tears of any kind really don't go well with her complexion. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well then.
> 
> Don't worry- I have another one-off one-shot planned and started that is FAR more upbeat than this one, and will be accompanied with some updates on some other projects as well... Though if that doesn't shoe up for a while, it'll be because I have big exams coming up soon, so lots of revising for Birdy. Ohhhhh boy.
> 
> Anyway, hope y'all are doing well.
> 
> ~Birdy
> 
> And feel free to leave a comment!


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